This one is a work in progress, because it's just soooooooo incredibly long......I'll have to add a few more verses later. This is what I've got so far...decided to go big, with "what would happen if Holly Hornblower's pies were really poisoned...
A take on:
American Pie - Don McLean
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A long long time ago
I can still remember how
Sweet Holly used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those hobbits dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But thoughts of Gerd made me shiver
With every letter I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
Something touched me deep inside
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
So
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Did you find the Founding Writ?
And do you know Foxtail's looking for it?
If Adelard tells you so?
Do you have fun at festivals?
Can music save your hobbit soul?
Can Oger teach me how to dance real slow?
Well, I know that you can dance Step three
'Cause I saw you dancin' by the Party Tree
No hobbits wore their shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues
I was a hobbit wearing a mask like a duck
With a Giant Flower, running amuck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
I started singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Now, eleventy years we've been on our own
And Hobbiton's still our milestone
But, that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from the Stonedeans
And a voice that came from you and me
Oh and while Sauron was doing his thing
Isildur stole his Ruling Ring
The Second Age was adjourned
No verdict was returned
While fighting for some skirmish marks
The Breakfast Club practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
We were singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The Eagles flew off looking for shelter
Back to Arador's End flying fast
While Eregion is full of grass,
The fellowship tried the Redhorn Pass
With Saruman making a winter blast
Now Echad Dunann smelled like perfume
While hobbits played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause when the dwarves tried to take the field
The hobbit band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day Gerd Whitfoot died?
We started singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Added:
Oh, and there they were all in one place
A fellowship lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Sam be nimble, Sam be slick
Sam pulls out a frying pan real quick
'Cause pottery is the Gamgee's best friend
Oh and as I saw the Methel-stage
The fireworks went on a rampage
No hobbit from here to Stock
Could outshine that Meriadoc
And as Nazgul climbed high into the night
The ringwraith's looking for a fight
I saw Sauron laughing with delight
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
He was singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to old Holly's store
Where I'd had pie many years before
But the man there said the pie wasn't safe
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a pie was eaten
The hobbits were all beaten
And the hobbits I admire most
Frodo and Bilbo both white as a ghost
Caught the last elf-boat on the coast
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
And they were singing
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die