Lyrical Re-writes
Just today I was watching/listening to some fellow kinnies play some music in the Prancing Pony, and at some point in time someone played a song, but they mentioned that they didn't have the lyrics for it. My wits were Muddled at the time so I can't remember who it was, or what song...but anyways...after that and seeing Slipsee's hilarious parody of Beverly Hillbillies in the Appledumpling thread, I decided to make this thread, where I will, and others can, post parody LOTR lyrics to popular songs. Feel free to use...
I'm not sure if this one has already been done by someone else, but here's my rendition of America's Horse With No Name:
On the first part of the journey
I was walkin through Midgewater Swamp
There were goblins and ruins and gnats and things
There was water and hills and rings
The first thing I met was a fly with a buzz
And the sky with dark clouds
The heat was hot and the ground was wet
and the air was full of sounds
I've been through the lone-lands on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the lone-lands you can find the Eglain
and there plenty of orcs for you to give some pain
La, la
After two days in the lone-lands sun
The Maid began to turn Red
After three days in the lone-lands fun
I was looking at Garth Agarwen's dead
And the story they told of lost Ivar's soul
Made me wish I was back in my bed
You see I've been through the lone-lands on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the lone-lands you can find the Eglain
and there are plenty of orcs and quite a few crabain
La, la
After nine days I let the horse run free
'Cause the lone-lands had turned to sea
There were wights and trolls and orcs and things
there was swamps and hills and rings
Harloeg's in the lone-lands and it's life is undeath
with a swampy disguise above
In fallen cities and the Circle of Blood
the Bog-lurkers will give no love
You see I've been through the lone-lands on a horse with no name
It felt good to be out of the rain
In the lone-lands you can find the Eglain
and there are plenty of orcs for you to give some pain
La, la
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Hahaha, Oh, I love this! Great job!!!
(Not an easy song to work with either - hats off!)
Thanks! Again, got the idea from Slipsee to try it mys elf. :)
This is a re-write of Leslie Gore's It's My Party.....thinking of Bilbo's goin' away party...
It's my party, and I'll fly if I want to
Fly if I want to, fly if I want to
You would fly too if it happened to you
Nobody knows where that Frodo has gone
But Gandolf left the same time
Why was he holding that ring
When it's supposed to be mine
It's my party, and I'll fly if I want to
Fly if I want to, fly if I want to
You would fly too if it happened to you
Playin' your music, keep dancin' all night
But leave me alone for a while
Till Frodo gives me my ring
I've got no reason to smile
It's my party, and I'll fly if I want to
Fly if I want to, fly if I want to
You would fly too if it happened to you
Gandolf and Frodo just walked through the door
Like a mage with his king
Oh what a birthday surprise
Frodo's holdin' my ring
It's my party, and I'll fly if I want to
Fly if I want to, fly if I want to
You would fly too if it happened to you
Fly, you fools!
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Oh, how love this - so clever, better than original, me thinks.
Yay!
Ummmmmm....Jeannie C. Riley...Harper Valley PTA...ummmmm
I wanna tell you all a story 'bout a Morgul Valley widowed wife,
Who had a hundred daughters who attended Morgul Valley Junior High,
Well her daughters came home one afternoon and didn't even stop to play,
And they said."Mom we got a note here from the Morgul Valley PTA."
Well the note said, "Mrs. Shelob, you're hanging your webs up way too high.
It's reported you've been killin' and runnin' round with orcs and goin' wild.
And we don't believe you oughta be a bringin' up your little girls this way."
And it was signed, The Mouth of Sauron, "Morgul Valley PTA."
Well it happened that the PTA was gonna meet that very afternoon.
And they were sure surprised when Mrs. Shelob really did squeeze into the room.
And as she skittered up to the Black Gate, I still recall the words she had to say.
She said I'd like to address this meeting of the Morgul Valley PTA.
Well, that Uruk Shagrak's sittin' there, and seven times he's asked me for a date.
And Mrs. Shagrak seems to use a lotta ice, whenever he's away.
And Mr. Radbug can you tell us why your master seargant had to leave this town?
And shouldn't strange Snaga be told to keep his armored skirt a pulled completely down.
The Mouth of Sauron couldn't be here cause he stayed too long at Nazgul Bar again.
And if you smell Captain Gorgbag's breath you'll find he's had a little nip of gin.
And then you have the nerve to tell me, you think that as a mother I'm not fit.
Well this is just a little Rivendell, and you're all Morgul Valley hypocrites.
No, I wouldn't put you on because, it really did happen just this way.
The day that Shelob socked it to, the Morgul Valley PTA.
The day that Shelob socked it to, the Morgul Valley PTA
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Morgul Valley PTA... hilarious..haha! Luventhariel, you're sooo talented poet and you gave me nice giggle to start new year, thanks :D
Gamut
This one is a work in progress, because it's just soooooooo incredibly long......I'll have to add a few more verses later. This is what I've got so far...decided to go big, with "what would happen if Holly Hornblower's pies were really poisoned...
A take on:
American Pie - Don McLean
------------------------------
A long long time ago
I can still remember how
Sweet Holly used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those hobbits dance
And maybe they'd be happy for a while
But thoughts of Gerd made me shiver
With every letter I'd deliver
Bad news on the doorstep
I couldn't take one more step
I can't remember if I cried
When I read about his widowed bride
Something touched me deep inside
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
So
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Did you find the Founding Writ?
And do you know Foxtail's looking for it?
If Adelard tells you so?
Do you have fun at festivals?
Can music save your hobbit soul?
Can Oger teach me how to dance real slow?
Well, I know that you can dance Step three
'Cause I saw you dancin' by the Party Tree
No hobbits wore their shoes
Man, I dig those rhythm and blues
I was a hobbit wearing a mask like a duck
With a Giant Flower, running amuck
But I knew I was out of luck
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
I started singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Now, eleventy years we've been on our own
And Hobbiton's still our milestone
But, that's not how it used to be
When the jester sang for the king and queen
In a coat he borrowed from the Stonedeans
And a voice that came from you and me
Oh and while Sauron was doing his thing
Isildur stole his Ruling Ring
The Second Age was adjourned
No verdict was returned
While fighting for some skirmish marks
The Breakfast Club practiced in the park
And we sang dirges in the dark
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
We were singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Helter skelter in a summer swelter
The Eagles flew off looking for shelter
Back to Arador's End flying fast
While Eregion is full of grass,
The fellowship tried the Redhorn Pass
With Saruman making a winter blast
Now Echad Dunann smelled like perfume
While hobbits played a marching tune
We all got up to dance
Oh, but we never got the chance
'Cause when the dwarves tried to take the field
The hobbit band refused to yield
Do you recall what was revealed
The day Gerd Whitfoot died?
We started singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Added:
Oh, and there they were all in one place
A fellowship lost in space
With no time left to start again
So come on Sam be nimble, Sam be slick
Sam pulls out a frying pan real quick
'Cause pottery is the Gamgee's best friend
Oh and as I saw the Methel-stage
The fireworks went on a rampage
No hobbit from here to Stock
Could outshine that Meriadoc
And as Nazgul climbed high into the night
The ringwraith's looking for a fight
I saw Sauron laughing with delight
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
He was singin'
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
I met a girl who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news
But she just smiled and turned away
I went down to old Holly's store
Where I'd had pie many years before
But the man there said the pie wasn't safe
And in the streets the children screamed
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed
But not a pie was eaten
The hobbits were all beaten
And the hobbits I admire most
Frodo and Bilbo both white as a ghost
Caught the last elf-boat on the coast
The day Gerd Whitfoot died
And they were singing
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
Bye, bye Holly Hornblower's Pie
Road my pony to the levee but the levee was dry
And them good ole boys were drinking Toad's Tongue and rye
Singin' this'll be the day that I die
This'll be the day that I die
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This one was easier, because I didn't really have to re-write it as thoroughly. From the Charlie Daniels Band tune The Legend of Whooley Swamp, I give you:
The Legend of Rushock Bog
If you ever go back into Rushock Bog son you better not go at night
There's things out there in the middle of them woods
That'd make a hobbit die from fright
There's things that crawl and things that fly
And things that creep around on the ground
And they say the ghost of Lucias Took gets up and it walks around
[Chorus:]
But I couldn't believe it, I just had to find out for myself
And I couldn't conceive it, I never would listen to nobody else
No I couldn't believe it, I just had to find out for myself
That there's some things in this Shire you just can't explain
The old Took lived in the Rushock Bog way back by the Bindbale Wood
And he never did do a lot of harm in the world
But he never did do no good
Most folks didn't think too much of him
They all thought he acted funny
The old Took didn't care about other folks anyway
All he cared about was his money
He'd stuff it all down in small glass jars and bury it all around
But on certain nights if the moon was right
He'd dig it up out of the ground
He'd pour it all out on the floor of his shack
And run his fingers through it
Old Lucias Took was a greedy hobbit
And that's all there ever was to it
[Chorus]
The Sackville boys were bad trash they lived over in Waymeet
They were a real snake and sneaky as a cat
And belligerent when they'd speak
One night the oldest brother said ya'll meet later in the Rushock Bog
We'll get old Lucias' money and we'll pitch him to the giant frogs
They found the old Took out in the back with a shovel in his hand
And thirteen rusty small glass jars he just dug up out of the sand
And they all went crazy and they beat the old Took
Then they picked him up off the ground
Then they threw him in the swamp and they stood there and laughed
Till the black water sucked him down
Then they turned around and went back to the shack
And they picked up the money and ran
But they hadn't gone nowhere when they realized
They were running in quicksand
And they struggled and screamed but they couldn't get away
Then just before they were gone
They could hear that old Took laughing
In a voice that was loud and strong
Now that's been fifty years ago an' if you go back by there again
There's a spot in the yard in back of that shack
Where the ground is always wet
And on certain nights if the moon is right
And you're down by the dark footpath
You can hear three hobbits screaming
And you can hear that old Took laugh
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Tee Hee...
Two Princes, by Spin Doctors:
Yeah
One, two, hobbits kneel before you
That's what I said, now
Hobbits, hobbits who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has marbles in his pockets
and some bread, now
This one, said he wants to buy you lockpicks
Ain't in his head, now
Aah, dee, dee, dee, dee
This one, got a hobbit racket
That's what I said, now
Got some feathers upon his jacket
Ain't in his head, now
You marry him, your gaffer will condone you
How 'bout that, now
You marry me, your gaffer will disown you
Eat 'is Bounder's hat, now
Marry him or marry me
I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?
I ain't got no smial or a party tree
But I know what a hobbit lover ought to be
I know what a hobbit lover ought to be
Said, if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And if you wanna buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now
Said
One, two, hobbits kneel before you
That's what I said, now
Hobbits, hobbits who adore you
Just go ahead, now
One has marbles in his pockets
and some bread, now
This one, said he wants to buy you lockpicks
Ain't in his head, now
Marry him or marry me
I'm the one that loves you baby can't you see?
I ain't got no smial or a party tree
But I know what a hobbit lover ought to be
I know what a hobbit lover ought to be
Said, if you want to call me baby
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to tell me maybe
Just go ahead, now
And If you wanna buy me flowers
Just go ahead, now
And if you like to talk for hours
Just go ahead, now
etc.
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Haha, love these, Luv - so much fun! Great job! <3
Thought I'd put this in here, before it gets lost...
Slipsee Diggle wrote: |
Anthem of The Appledumpling Gang (music: Ballad of Jed Clampett)
Come and listen to a story about the Appledumpling Gang a bunch of little hobbits whose song is being sang We went to Michel Delving just trying to have some fun but the townsfolk there sent us off to Hobbiton
North, that is. Ivy Bush. Party Tree.
Well, the first thing you know our gang began to grow We got more apples than Lobelia has pie dough But we really don't mind cuz it takes a lot of folk to see that the Apples are shipped out in bulk.
Raids, that is. Two groups, shared drops.
Well, now it's time to say goodbye to the Appledumpling Gang We'd all like to thank you folks for listenin' worth a dang You'll prob'ly see us out sometimes somewhere in Middle Earth sharing all our gold and songs and hopefully some mirth
Appledumplings, that's what we call ourselves.
Bad folks, we're coming for ya now, ya hear? |
:)
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