Lyrical Re-writes
At Elevenses someone played this, and I love the song, but the lyrics are definitely lore-breaking. So instead of The Wreck of the Edmunds Fitzgerald, here's The Tale of the Battle of Five Armies.
The legend lives on from the Dunadain on down
Of the hobbit they called 'Bilbo Baggins'
The lad, it is said, wrote a book that was red
Then the skies above Mordor turned gloomy
When a load of iron dwarves searching far for Erebor
Came and left Bilbo's pantry quite empty
That good dwarven crew left not a bone to be chewed
When the tales of Mithrandir came early
Bilbo was the pride of the old Tookish side
Living up on Bag End in Hobbiton
As big as hobbits grow, he was bolder than most
With a stew and good chicken well seasoned
Concluding dwarf terms that Gandolf confirms
They then left fully loaded for Bree land
And later they sang when Bree Town's bell rang
Could it be the north wind they'd been feelin'?
The wind in the trees made a tattle-tale sound
And a roar broke out through the treeline
And every dwarf knew, as Bilbo did too,
T'was the trolls of the Trollshaws come stealin'
The dawn came late, second breakfast had to wait
When the daylight of Mithrandir came shinin'
When Midyear's Day came it was freezin' rain
And they faced a long climb through the mountains
When Goblintown came, the old Took paved the way sayin'
Fellas, it's too tough to free ya
At seven pm was when Gandolf came in, he said
Fellas, here's some weapons for ya
Then Bilbo yelled in he had goblins comin' in
And the good dwarven crew was in peril
And later on still they all met king Thranduil
Came the ride of their lives in some barrels
Does any one know where old Mithrandir goes
When the days turn the minutes to hours?
The dwarves they all say that they'll make Lake-town Bay
If they put fifteen more miles behind em
They might have split up or they might have capsized
They may have broke deep and took water
But they still remain, and aren't here to play games
With yer wives or yer sons or yer daughters
In old dwarven halls, the Arkenstone sings
In the rooms of Smaug's gold-piled mansion
The old dragon screams when Bilbo can't be seen
And flies to Long Lake to kill Dale-men.
And farther below Bard's heart he did show
Drew back the black arrow and sent her
And with Smaug taken low all the mariners now know
With the tales of Five Armies remembered
In a musty old hall in the Shire they played,
In the back of the Bird and the Baby
They sang about rings, and dragons with wings, and
The Tale of the Battle of Five Armies.
The legend lives on from the Dunadain on down
Of the hobbit they called 'Bilbo Baggins'
The lad, it is said, wrote a book that was red
And the skies above Mordor turned gloomy
That was OUTSTANDING!!! *long applause from the Lorthrandir household!*
- Jaecwerd, Hunter from Dale (33)
- Dalthiras, Loremaster from Lindon (20)
Heard this last Wednesday @ Tunes & Ales...had to do this... :)
Land of Gondor, music by Men At Work.
Traveling on a worn-out pony
On a ranger trail, heading for west Bree
I met a strange hobbit, she caught my interest
She told me about Second Breakfast
And she said
Do you come from the land of Gondor?
Where the White Tree grows by the White Tower?
Can't you hear the loud horns from Mordor?
You better run, you better take cover
Buying bread from a man in Rohan
He was six-foot-four, without his boots on
I said, "Do you speak the old language?"
He just smiled and gave me a bite of his sandwich
And he said
I come from the land of Gondor
Where blood does flow and men wonder
Can't you hear the foul orcs from Mordor?
You better run, you better take cover
Yeah
Drinkin' in an inn in Buckland
Listening to a Weatherstock band
I said to the dwarf, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of the Old Kings?"
And he said
Do you come from the land of Gondor? (oh yeah yeah)
Where the White Tree grows under the Tower?
Can't you hear the loud horns of Mordor?
You better run, you better take cover
Living in the land of Gondor
Where the White Tree grows by the White Tower
Can't you hear the loud horns of Mordor?
You better run, you better take cover
Living in the land of Gondor
Where the Steward growls inside the tower
Can't you hear the Nazgul of Mordor?
You better run, you better take cover
Repeat x2
50 Ways to leave the Shire - Paul Simon :)
"The problem is coming to Bag End" he said to me
"The answer is easy, you should take the road to Bree
I'd like to help you in your struggle with the Ring
There must be fifty ways to leave the Shire"
He said "I really trust your hobbit attitude
Furthermore, I hope the One Ring won't be lost or be abused
So I'll repeat myself at the risk of being rude
There must be fifty ways to leave the Shire
Fifty ways to leave the Shire"
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be Coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Make tracks in the dust, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Ooo slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be Coy, Roy
Just listen to me
Make tracks in the dust, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
He said "It grieves me so to see you in such pain
I wish there was something I could do to help you hurry on your way"
I said "I appreciate that, would you again explain
About the fifty ways"
He said "We don't have time for you to sleep on it tonight
And I believe before morning we'll see Nazgul in the night"
And then he touched me, and I realized he probably was right
There must be fifty ways to leave the Shire
Fifty ways to leave the Shire
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be Coy, roy
Just get yourself free
Make tracks in the dust, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Maybe “Eleventy-one Ways to Leave the Shire”?
None of the names in the chorus are hobbit names. Unfortunately, there aren't many one-syllable hobbit names.
But I found a few in Tolkien and jotted down some ideas (in no particular order):
Get a new job, Nob
Find a new bed, Ted
Let sails unfurl, Pearl
Here's a good tip, Pip
Bust out' yer cell, Bell
Better not stay, May
Away from the Hill, Will
A turn of the knob, Hob
Be on the lam, Sam
Find a hotel, Bell
Get on your way, May
Give it a whirl, Pearl
You know the drill, Gill
Time to jump ship, Pip
Climb o'er the sill, Bill
Close up yer crib, Nibs
Join a new club, Chubb
Give 'em the slip, Pip
Time that you fled, Ted
'bandon your woes, Rose
Without delay, May
Take a li'l trip, Pip
Think you should scram, Sam
Become a stray, May
\o/ Oooh! That is awesome work Halgoreth! XD Thank you!
I knew I at least wanted to change the "Hop on the bus, Gus" because, wtf is a bus? :/
THIS IS AWESOME!!!! I have got to go play some songs and try these out...
The Eagles...Hotel California...
On a dark Bree-land highway,
cool wind in our hair
Warm smell of our pipe weed,
rising up through the air
Up ahead in the distance,
we saw the shimmering lights
Our heads were heavy and our sight was dim
we had to stop for the night
Barliman stood by the doorway;
We heard the Bree Town bell
And I was thinking to myself,
"Remember, your name is Underhill"
Then he lit up a candle
and he showed us the way
There were voices down the corridor,
I thought I heard them say...
Welcome to the Bree Town Prancing Pony
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely place
Plenty of room at the Bree Town Prancing Pony
Any time of year (Any time of year)
You can find it here
His face was plump, rough and twisted, he was one of Gandolf's friends
He's not a very pretty, pretty boy, he's a pretty hefty man.
Having a drink in the main room, our small halfling quintet.
Some dance to remember, some dance to forget
So I looked up at Pippin,
"Mead, it comes in Pints?"
He said, "I haven't seen that much spirit, my dear,
since I was eleventeen nine"
And still those Nazgul are calling from far away,
Riding up in the middle of the night
Just you watch them slay...
Welcome to the Bree Town Prancing Pony
Such a lovely place (Such a lovely place)
Such a lovely place
They livin' it up at the Bree Town Prancing Pony
What a strange surprise (what a strange surprise)
Disappear before your eyes.
Taking off the One Ring,
The ranger looked cold as ice
Strider said "We must all now quickly leave here,
please take my advice"
And in the hobbit's chambers,
The Nine gathered for the Ring
They stab their beds with their steely knives,
But they just don't find a thing.
Next thing I remember, I was
Running for Mordor
I had to bring the One Ring back
To the place it was forged before
"Relax, " said my friend, Sam,
"We'll make it for sure, I believe
that there is still some good in this world,
And that good will never leave! "
Tommy James - Draggin the Line (for my dwarven friends)
Making a living the old, hard way.
Picking and shoveling day by day.
I dig ore from the veins and don't see sunshine.
I'm diggin' the mine (diggin' the mine).
My friend Sam can dig for hours.
We ain't got much, but what we've got's ours.
We dig ore from the veins and don't need sunshine.
Diggin' the mine (diggin the mine).
I feel fine.
I'm talking about a cache I'll find.
I'm gonna take my time.
I'm getting to good times.
Diggin' the mine (diggin the mine).
Loving a deep and earthy spirit.
Hug a cave-claw when you get near it.
Digging the ore from a vein and don't need sunshine.
I'm diggin' the mine (diggin the mine).
Diggin' the mine (diggin' the mine).
I feel fine.
I'm talking about a cache I'll find.
I'm gonna take my time.
I'm getting to good times.
Diggin' the mine (diggin the mine)
Led Zeppelin - Whole Lotta Love
for the Devs...
The sever needs cooling
Baby I'm not fooling
I'm wanna send the devs
Back to schooling
A-way down in code
A-honey it needs it
I wanna get unstuck
I wanna get unstuck
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
They say they're coding
Um baby I'm exploding
All them long times baby, baby
I've been re-loading
A-way, way down in code
A-honey you need-ah
I wanna get to my vault, ah
I wanna get to my vault, ah oh
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
My PC needs cooling
And baby I've been drooling
All the laggy times, baby
I've been fuming
A-way, way down in code
I wanna stop that lag
I wanna stop that rubber-banding
I wanna stop that lag
Hey!
Alright! Let's go!
Whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Gotta whole lotta lag
Way down in code
Those Devs, they need, to fix
Laaaaaaaaaaaag
My, my, my, my
My, my, my, my
Lag!
Fix it for me devs
I wanna be a subscriber, man
Hey, it's slow, hey, it's slow
Hey, it's slow, hey, it's slow
Slooooow
Slow, slow, slow, slow
Code, my, my baby
A-keep a coding baby
A-keep a coding baby
A-keep a coding baby
A-keep a coding baby
A-keep a coding baby
Game Stew (Brain Stew by Green Day)
I'm having trouble trying to Raid
I'm asking friends but running out
As time ticks by
And still I try
I guess I'll solo it again.
On my own, here we go
My brain feels like it's gonna bleed
I tried to fellow with some nOObs
My mind is sore
My fingers numb
Screwed up and died so many times
On my own, here we go
I tried a skirmish on Teir 1
The game is laughing in my face
A spike of lag
Caused me to die
Passed the point of caring now
On my own, here we go
I tried the Halls of Night again
Died twice while cursing out Angmar
My laptop's slow
My fingers numb
Screwed up and died so many times
On my own, here we go
Last edited by Luventhariel on Mon Feb 06, 2017 5:24 am; edited 1 time in total
Hobbiton Girl (Cinnamon Girl - Neil Young)
I want to live with a hobbiton girl
I could be happy the rest of my life
With a hobbiton girl.
A drinker of pitchers, an eater of pie
You see us together, chasing the blue sky,
My hobbiton girl.
Ten dwarves with axes, a elf with a bow
The hunter relaxes and waits for the show
For his hobbiton girl.
A drinker of pitchers, an eater of pie
You see us together, chasing the blue sky,
My hobbiton girl.
So play me music now
I'm gonna frolic somehow
I need to learn to prance
You see my hobbit loves to dance
Yeah...yeah...yeah.
The Ramones, Blitzkrieg Bop:
Hey ho, let's go! hey ho, let's go!
Hey ho, let's go! hey ho, let's go!
They're eating all the time
They're drinking mead and fine wine
They're hobbits losing their minds
The Buckland bop
There's nothing on their feet
In the cold or in the heat
Just dancing to the back beat
The Buckland bop
Hey ho, let's go
Drink another keg now
What they want, I don't know
They're all revved up and ready to go
They're eating all the time
They're drinking mead and fine wine
They're hobbits losing their minds
The Buckland bop
There's nothing on their feet
In the cold or in the heat
Just dancing to the back beat
The Buckland bop
Hey ho, let's go
Drink another keg now
What they want, I don't know
They're all revved up and ready to go
They're eating all the time
They're drinking mead and fine wine
They're hobbits losing their minds
The Buckland bop
There's nothing on their feet
In the cold or in the heat
Just dancing to the back beat
The Buckland bop
Hey ho, let's go! hey ho, let's go!
Hey ho, let's go! hey ho, let's go!